Monday, June 6, 2011

A Break Up Story

June 6th, 2011. 10:11 a.m. 

Time flies. It has been almost a month after we broke up, but it's still circles in my mind on how I still feels the blame was on me, coz I merely has failed to explain to you why I turned around. I don't know what else to do. You deleted my messages on phone before reading it, you turned off the Chatbox whenever you saw me online, you never replied me; you did everything to keep yourself away from my words, even I merely just want to explain why I decided to end our melodramatic relationship, that instant. Why I betrayed your feelings, why I ignored your concerns about me, and why I don't think being together in the name of love is really works on both of us. You didn't, no, you still don't want to listen to me. 

Dear name, why must we hold grudge to each other over a ruined relationship? The thing is, you hates me. You hates me to the bottom of your heart. You mentioned me in every each of your status updates on how freaking evil I was to you, with hell of harsh words. Some kind of euphemism I guess. But I admit it, I was evil to you. I didn't appreciate your feelings on me when I decided to break up. You sacrificed a lot for me over those 6 months we've been together, but this is how I gave you in return; a break-up. I was evil. I was a bad guy, probably the worst guy you ever known in your entire life. 

But sincerely, frankly, and honestly, you have to know that the reason why I left you was just for the best sake of both of us. I don't mind anymore if you wanna say that I was being hypocritical over this, or I was just pretending to be a good man or whatsoever, as long as I know that I'm doing the right thing, I don't scare of anything. You didn't scare me with your ominous words of doing a revenge as a retaliation to me, you didn't scare me with your harsh words, you didn't scare me by getting your friends against me, or anything; I know I'm doing the right thing.

Dear name, I didn't want to overwhelm ourselves in sins over the false relationship we've pledge allegiance together all this while. You know what, I came to realize how vulnerable I was when we're together, and suddenly I felt shame for myself. I was from a well-known, respected high school for its Islamic background, in which templates everything must be made by putting religious matter first before others no matter what, and after I went out of the school, this is what I came to be? Getting myself involved my a relationship in the so-called name of love? 

I've betrayed all the Islamic values that I got from my previous school before. I got a very tight Islamic background, but I couldn't resist this. It really made me think, dear. This is why I turned around and decided to break up with this false relationship. The relationship in the so-called "name of love". I don't wanna say "couple", coz it made me felt so bad. Frankly.

Dear name, do you still remember the day when we spoke to each other about this. Its still clear in my mind on how we've agreed not to couple no matter how close we'll gonna be. No matter what, we'll stay together but not as a couple. But dear, out of blue, look what've came to us at last? We blatantly have violated our own words. We were recklessly kept drowning in the sweet memories of being together. Of being loved. And slightly forgot where the relationship shouldn't extends to. We've crossed the line we ourselves garrisoned. Sorry but I've to say, WTF on earth has happened to me?

We were blindfolded in the mirth, thats for sure. We kept swaying ourselves in the sweet relationship, without alarming how we've gone so far away. 

Well thats the F.

Thats why, my dear, I suddenly decided that this should not proceed any further. We've been so vulnerable, and I couldn't afford to risk it anymore, thats why I quit. 

Its up to you to believe me or not. You might still say that I'm pretending to be good again, its really up to you. Up to you if you couldn't accept a change in me to better, I don't care. 

If a man wanna change in his life and then criticized, mocked and accused to be pretending, you can obviously know who's right and who's wrong. You can say anything, and I will not react over those confrontational words ever again. I won't get offended again over those cranky disposition you shown me. 

Just one thing, I really wish that you will stop hating me one day. What the point of having vengeance, it won't solve anything instead of making it worse. We only live once, don't waste it with hates and grudges. 


June 6th, 2011. 12:15 p.m. 

(Its just a story, not necessarily about me) =)


jingles said...

Awesome, yes it is true that when ever someone wants to make a change himself then people mocked or criticized you. You want to say but you remain silent.

jingles said...

Memories are apart of life. Some times these are good and enjoyable but the other time they make us gloomy and sad. These memories are an important part of our life. On which when ever we feel alone, we make our loneliness a good.

Saefullah said...

cool =)

everything you define me said...

Ya..I don't know what else to do.. I kept it dark in my deep heart..

I prefer to be alone, and I'll try to keep it that way as long as I can..

Single is cool anyway :D

syara~ said...

love this! really makes me sad :))

everything you define me said...

Yup, sad and awful..but thats waht really happened to me :) another lesson to learn! :D

syara said...

really? ya.. kinda thing *single is better :)